Is Sacrificial Love Safe?

The last two nights in a row there have been crazy people outside my apartment that have made me feel uncomfortable enough to sleep with my revolver next to me. Last night two people knocked on my door at 1:30am asking to use my phone! I didn't even open the door, just yelled sorry through the peephole. I feel kind of bad about that. I hope they are okay. It's hard to balance sacrificial love for people with common sense safety rules.

As Christians, we're commanded to show love to people--but so often my service of people is inhibited by these safety rules ingrained in me by my parents and society at large: don't pick up hitchhikers, never give cash to panhandlers (but food is okay), don't bring home homeless people to sleep on the couch, don't open the door to strangers or allow them into your home, don't let strangers into the church while you're there alone. There are a lot of safety rules!

On Thursday this guy showed up at the church and asked to come in and talk with me. I explained that it was against church policy for me to let anyone inside the church while I was there alone, then I went out on the porch to talk to him. To make his long story short, him and his wife were stranded with no money to get back to their home near Seattle. After calling the treasurer, I had to explain to the man that our church doesn't help out with transportation. He sat down on the porch and began to cry. He'd been walking around town all day going to churches and social service agencies but no one would help. It took me an hour, but I was able to find a friend who could drive the guy to get his wife and take them to the bus station (I couldn't leave because youth group was starting soon). So this guy was hungry and tired and waiting for my friend to show up, and I wasn't supposed to let him into the church for "safety" (mine? the church's?). So, I ended up hauling an easychair from the library out onto the porch. The neighbors probably thought it was strange seeing a tired, disheveled man sitting in a pink floral easy chair on the porch of the church--but at least he was able to rest his feet!

Anyway...I'm so confused about safety. When Jesus hung out with theives and prostitutes, was he taking some sort of safety precautions of which I'm merely unaware? Or could he have been more concerned about ministering to lost and hurting (and even dangerous?) souls than in procuring the safety of his person or posessions?

So those of you with families are probably thinking--but I have an obligation to keep my family safe! That's probably true, I guess. I'm just not sure where it says it in the Bible. Please tell me if you can think of a place. Was Jesus showing disregard for the safety of his disciples when he led them to minister among vagrants?

Oughtn't we love people in obedience to God and trust him to keep us safe? Of course, I suppose someone could say that buckling seatbelts or taking antibiotics is showing a lack of trust in God. So balance. Where's the proper balance? If you have any ideas, please respond! I just don't know. But despite all my love-talk, I'm still going to bed next to my .38 revolver.

Memorial Day Trip 2006

So, I went to the beach with my book club over Memorial Day weekend. It was a blast, of course--the book club consists of several of my closest friends, so that was a delightful time. It was rainy and nasty through Sunday, but Monday was beautiful and we made it to the top of Mt. Hebo, which I think is my very favorite place in the whole world. Here are a few pictures from the trip.

Reactions

I have a problem with controlling my reactions. I tend to stress out whenever anything goes wrong. Afterwards I always think, "Lord, I don't want to freak out at the slightest sign of adversity. Teach me to respond with patience and peace and trust in you and what you're doing in my life."

So, here is some of the stuff that happened this week and how I responded:

- Toilet oveflowed and flooded church bathroom at wedding shower--hahaha.
- Parent of youth complained to my supervisor at work--no problem.
- Housing situation suddenly became uncertain and stressful--oh no!
- Lost grocery list for weekend getaway and had to improvise--grrrr.
- Downpour drenched me and caused me to hammer my finger--OW!!!
- Groceries for beach trip got stuck in my stupid trunk--RAWWWRR!
- Stuck in bumper to bumper traffic (only 12 miles in 1 1/2 hours)--whatever.
- Received my first traffic citation ($242.00 for speeding in passing lane)--perfect end to this day!

So, in a week's time I cheerfully cleaned up an inch of urine and toilet water, kept cool while receiving criticism, felt uncertain about housing stuff, got irritated over losing a grocery list, blew up over hammering my finger, seethed over locked groceries, tolerated terrible traffic and recieved my first ticked with an ironic grin. So...a couple times I responded well...but there's still a lot of room for improvement. What really stinks, is that I think the only way to get better at this is to keep practicing (which requires more adverse situations).

May I Please Have A Redo?

Have you ever had one of those days? You know, where at the end of it you look back and wish you could do it over again? Today was one of those days.

Someone did something that frustrated me, because it seemed irresponsible. My first reaction was anger. And annoyance. So, when I saw the person I felt the need to let them know how disappointed I was in them. I think my exact words were, "You are so dead."

The thing was, the person knew they'd messed up and already felt bad about it. So I'm wondering why I felt the need to "punish" them with my attitude. That's not the sort of person I want to be.

I want to be the sort of person who can say, "Oops, you goofed...how can I help you fix it?" The sort of person who encourages and affirms people rather than tears them down.

So I apologized. And then I asked God for a redo. I mean, not that the day can happen over again, but that the next time someone around me messes up, I will be able to respond with grace and love--as is befitting of someone who is so in need of God's love and grace to cover over all of my own mistakes. Like how I goofed on my attitude today.

Of Mice and Women

When my cousin and I arrived at the beach, we were surprised to find the cabin already inhabited! In the kitchen, one of the cupboards was littered with tiny poop pellets and strewn with remnants of chewed on popcorn and hot cocoa. Yuck! We purchased some poison blocks and placed them strategically throughout the cabin--except of course in the room we were sleeping in. We just shut the door to keep any prowling rodents from our sleeping sanctuary. Tucked into bed with the heater on and a wall between us and the mice we felt cozy and secure.

The next morning, we felt even better. The poison had been a success! 4 of the 6 blocks of poison were completely gone. The second night no more poison was consumed, so we sighed in relief, assured that we had effectively rid ourselves of the mouse population. That is, until the last day. As we were getting ready to leave, I opened up a dresser drawer that had extra towels in it and was horrified to see a 5-inch "giant mouse" scurry out and into the closet (I later learned that 5-inch mice dont exist--it was a rat!) Eww! To make a long story (and a 15 minute home video) short, we never captured the rat despite a quite-desperate hunt that involved moving furniture and poking into corners with a broom. What we did find was a nest of squirming, squeaking newborn baby "mice" in a drawer of towels that was less than three feet from where we had been sleeping!

They were just a couple days old with hardly any hair and unopened eyes. We didn't know what to do! It's one thing to poison nameless, faceless mice but quite another to harm these defenseless babies with teensy little whiskers and claws. But the fact remained that baby rodents grow to be adult rodents who in turn make more baby rodents. We didn't want to hurt them (they were kinda' cute afterall), but we certainly did not want them infesting the cabin. I considered bringing them home for pets, but we figured by this time there was already a good chance they'd been poisoned by their mama's milk. So we hauled them out to the empty lot next to the cabin and piled them up together for warmth under brush that we hoped would keep them hidden from predators.
The funny thing is, it was hard for me to leave them there. Even having seen what their relatives and friends had done to our food cupboard, I couldn't help but want to root for them. They seemed so little and harmless!

Kind of like our sin.

Just like the pellet-strewn food cupboard, sometimes we can see the destructive results of our sin. It's stinky and messy and repulsive, and so we work to get rid of the bad habits or unloving attitudes or the proud self-reliance that has gotten us into the predicament in which we find ourselves when we try to do things our way instead of God's way. But sometimes our bad actions or attitudes seem harmless--or even desirable. Maybe it's attractive to us, like that relationship that we don't want to let go of even though we know that it inhibits our walk with God. Or maybe it seems so small that we don't think it can really do any harm--like when we ignore a source of temptation in our life or when we vent our frustrations about one friend to another.

But the Bible says that baby sins grow into rat-sized sins. "Each person is tempted when they are lured away and enticed by their own evil desires. And after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin. When sin is full-grown, it produces death" (James 1:14-15). Sin is a serious business. All of us has a problem with it. We've all sinned and we all deserve spiritual death (separation from God). Jesus offered to pay that debt for us by giving up his own life, and if we've accepted that substitutionary gift from him, we don't have to worry about eternal separation from God. But there are still immediate consequences to sin. God made us, and he has given us an instruction manual on how we'll work best (just like I have a manual for my Camry). When we go against his instructions, things break down in our life. That's why he wants us to follow the instructions in the first place! He made us and he knows what's best for us. I'd be crazy to fill up my Camry's tank with maple syrup. Think of the mess! So why do I think that I can choose my own way to live without making a mess of my life?

So here I am again. I'm in that place where I'm evaluating my heart and trying to root out those "cute, little" sins. You know, the ones I thought were too small to make much of a mess. Self-reliance is there. And pride. And harsh judgmentalness. Selfishness, apathy. How did those sneak back in there, again!? Whew! Who knew my soul would be so full of vermin! I think I better go have a talk with the wonderful, merciful Exterminator!

A Quickie

Tonight at youth group we were preparing a skit for an event next week. The skit shows the two extremes of looking for God's guidance. It contrasts a girl who imagines "signs" from God every ten minutes with a girl who cannot perceive God's leading even when it's obvious. I was impressed by the students' acting abilities. I think the skit will be good!

In other local news...I finally washed my car today. It's so shiny and clean it makes me want to hug it (okay, I did hug it--but only once). Now I'm all set for going to the beach with my awesome cousin, Sheila, tomorrow. HOORAY! See you all next week.

P.S. Please pray for three parents of students in the youth group. I'll use initials for privacy. (1) L. has recently had two strokes and next week is having a test to determine if he needs open-heart surgery. (2) Meanwhile, L.'s wife C. is having a biopsy to determine if she has skin cancer. (3) B is having vision problems, underwent an MRI and then was called in to see the doctor earlier tonight. Thanks for your prayers.

Sadly, It's true. I'm emotional.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have emotions. I like to pretend that Im in control of myself and my world and for some reason, emotions sometimes seem beyond that control. The last couple weeks I have been very emotional...but not for any particular reason. Sometimes it's a small twinge of compassion. But other times it's much stronger.

One night recently I could not get to sleep for several hours. I was laying in bed and I was praying for everyone I could think to pray for: my family, my friends, my church, each of the students in the youth group. As I was praying, I became overwhelmed by the amount of pain and hurt in this world, and my heart ached for those I knew who were experiencing deep trials and pain. Suddenly, I was imagining the masses of the world and seeing all the suffering and hurting and my heart just broke. I trust in Jesus to comfort me through my pain--but so many people have not experienced the peace and hope and joy found only in a relationship with Jesus. I longed for them to know him. I found myself weeping for these souls of humanity--each one individually unique and precious, each one with their own story of love and life and pain. It was perhaps the closest I've ever come to seeing the world the way Jesus sees them.

In Matthew 9, Jesus looks at the crowds of people following him and he has compassion on them. He compares them to helpless sheep, wandering around aimless and shepherdless, not realizing that the Good Shepherd longs to lead them to green pastures if they would only FOLLOW HIM. Jesus realizes that the people are ripe for the message and he asks his disciples to pray for willing workers to go out to the people. And a few verses later, he sends them!

I want to be a willing worker, too! I want people to experience the fulfillment of a relationship with Jesus. So, I'm praying for boldness to tell them. But that's scary for me, because I know it's an unpopular thing to do. Today on the radio a local talk show host was talking about how he was a Christian who believed the Bible but that he did NOT believe in pushing his faith on others. He stated that he was anti-proselytization.

This seems to be a fairly common stance. People say, "I'm glad what you believe works for you, but you have no right to try to convince anyone else of what you believe. That is so arrogant of you." Is it? Is it arrogance that compels me to share with others? I remember a quote purportedly from an article written by an atheist who said:

"If I firmly believed, as millions say they do, that the knowledge and practice of religion in this life influence destiny in another life, then religion would mean to me everything. I would cast away earthly enjoyments as dross, earthly cares as folly, and earthly thoughts and feelings as vanity. God would be my first waking thought and my last image before falling asleep. I would labor in his cause alone. I would hardly stop thinking of my future eternity. I would regard the saving of one soul worth a life of suffering; earthly consequences would never prevent me from acting or speaking out to accomplish this. The griefs of life would occupy hardly a moment of my thoughts. I would go forth to the world and preach this message in season and out of season, and my scripture text would be: What does it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul? All of this would overwhelmingly preoccupy me--that is, if I believed!"*

If I truly believe what I claim to believe, how can I not tell others? It's not arrogance to do so--its callous indifference not to do so. That doesn't mean that I don't respect other people's freedom to choose. If God grants us freedom to accept or reject him, I certainly am not going to try to trick or cajole anyone into a relationship with him. Just the other week I was talking with two eighth grade boys who had gone through their fair share of hard times. I asked one of them if he knew about Jesus and he told me, "Oh yes. I've heard all I want to about Jesus. I'm sick of it. I hear it all the time and I dont want to talk about it any more." Ouch. That made me sad. I was sad for him. But I respected his wishes; I didnt press the matter. I prayed that his heart would be changed, because I'm convinced that ultimately lasting happiness for him can only be found in Jesus.

Individuals all around the world are hurting. I can't help feeling emotional about it. I want to make sure that those in my life have the opportunity to choose to turn to Jesus. Whether they do or not--that's between them and him.

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* I've tried to research who wrote this article, but the information is fairly cyclical. Ultimately, I was unable to determine the original atheist author. It is thus possible that it was actually penned by the first person to "quote" it. Although that's not as cool of a story, it doesn't make the quote any less convicting. The text I have included was compiled from two sources: (1) Rev. John H. Hampsch, C.M.F., Coping with Lifes Dark Moments, (Queenship Publishing: Goleta, CA, 1998). (2) K.P. Yohannan, Revolution in World Missions, (Carrolton, TX: GFA Books, 1986-2004) p. 95-96.