Pardon My Singleness

It's not really so bad that people always ask, "So...are you seeing anyone?" They're mostly just curious. But then there are the students who say things like, "You're twenty-five and you don't have a boyfriend?" implying that there is something hideously wrong with me (which of course we all secretly wonder on our own from time to time, even without the help of prying adolescents). That's okay, though. I mean, they're thirteen and for them relationships are status badges, which means that their surprise indicates that they think my status merits a relationship (in other words, it surprises them that I'm not with anyone, isn't that sweet?).

You know what really frustrates me, though? It's having to explain myself over and over and over again to other Christians who should have similar world-views to me. I mean, aren't we reading the same Scripture? It happened to me twice today! Both times someone asked me (instead of the standard, "are you seeing anyone?") "So when are you going to get married?" How in the world am I supposed to answer a question like that? It's rooted in the idea that of course I will get married. Don't get me wrong here (as both people did today); I don't have anything against marriage--in fact I would love for God to bless me with a companion and co-laborer in service to God. But their question assumes that I will get married. I don't make such presumptions. I don't find anywhere in Scripture where God promises to send believers a husband or a wife, and I certainly don't feel that he owes me this blessing. So I may wish for it, and I may occasionally pray for it, but I don't expect it and I definitely don't put my life of service to God on hold waiting for it.

So I tried to explain that twice today and I got two of the usual responses. The first person basically argued that almost everyone gets married and that if I want to get married I should make decisions that lead toward that (the classic "put-yourself-out-there" approach). The second person was quick to reassure me that there was someone for everyone and I would meet the right man someday, etc.

Argh! Both of these responses annoy me.

The second response makes assumptions that are no where in the Bible. Usually if I point that out ("maybe not all people get married...") these sorts of people start to suspect that I am a man-hater. Next they say things like, "Well, if that's what you really want..." No people, that's not what I'm saying! What I'm saying is that what I'm after is what God really wants for me, and his plan for my life just might not include a husband.

The first response implies that if I held marriage as a higher priority I could be married. Well...that's probably true. I'm sure if being married were my highest aspiration I could be married by now, but it shouldn't be my highest aspiration. What I should want more than anything is to glorify God with my life. If this is my goal, then marriage would require not only finding someone who can love me that I can love, but also someone who increases and strengthens my passion for God rather than diminishes it. That's a tall order! I'm so happy for those of you who have been blessed with such a relationship, but let me tell you that from where I'm standing it looks like a long shot for me.

I guess that's all I have to say. I don't mind people asking me about my relationship status. But being single is hard enough without having to worry about the fact that other people are uncomfortable with my singleness. I'm tired of seeing eyebrows raised at my presumed "feminist leanings" and I'm tired of hearing false assurances regarding the certainty of my nuptials. It would just be nice someday to hear someone say "Kristi, I really hope God blesses you with a husband, but just think: if he doesn't you'll get to experience dependence on him in an even richer way! And married or unmarried, I know God will continue to use you for his glory!"