When Worrying Becomes Absurd

"Oh Lord, help me get through this night!" It was 30 minutes until the students would be showing up and I was consumed with worry. Tonight would be the night I was going to share with the kids that our time as a community together was drawing to a close. I was worried that I would say the wrong things and that they would somehow think that this was their fault. Or maybe that I would say too much and implant in their hearts a seed of bitterness toward the church. I considered putting it off, but recalling the pain I experienced in high school when my youth group ended suddenly and without warning made me certain that I ought to tell these kids what was happening as early as possible to give them time to process the situation. Certain of this, my mind found a new topic of worry.

What if not very many kids came tonight, and then they heard about things second-hand from their friends instead of from me? That could cause lots of miscommunication and unnecessary pain depending on what they were told. "Lord, these kids are yours," I prayed, "and you care about them even more than I do. I trust that you will do what is best for them in this situation. Please bring the students who need to be here to hear this from me tonight, and if it would be better for any of them not to be here, then please keep them away tonight." Once again (as has been happening so much the past few weeks), an overwhelming sense of God's peace calmed my heart and hushed my worrying mind. He was in control, it was all up to him now.

One of the students was dropped off by her mom and she and I sat in the foyer chatting and waiting for the van to arrive. The van was already 10 minutes late and still the clock ticked by the minutes. Finally the front door of the church burst open and a noisy, laughing stream of students poured in the door. "Kristi!" one of the girls squealed and ran to give me a hug. Another one was close behind her yelling to be heard over the group, "Eighteen, Kristi! We had eighteen students in the van--so nineteen people including Debbie." I tried to imagine how they had managed to cram nineteen people into the van and winced thinking of the safety problems that could pose. But here they were--a Thursday-night-record-breaking nineteen students (17 had been our last record)! And that was without three kids who usually get a ride from their parents, but didn't show. There were four boys who had never come before and one girl who was a second-time visitor. All of the core students who I had been worrying about were there! "Thank you God" I sighed in relief.

But what about all these new kids? Why did God bring them here on such an odd night when I would be telling the students that we only had three weeks remaining in our youth program? Then it hit me. I had been focusing all my thoughts on the time after the games when I would sit the kids down and talk with them about youth group ending. I was so preoccupied with what to say and how to say it that I hadn't been thinking much about the lesson that would follow.

Later that night I stood before nineteen kids and addressed three big questions that we sometimes wonder:
(1) How do I know if I really do have a relationship with God?
(2) Can I ever lose my relationship with God?
(3) What happens when I mess up big-time or when I choose not to walk in obedience to God?

I was so thankful that God gave me the opportunity to spend time Thusday night answering the kids questions about the church and my job and their future, and to hug those who were crying and upset and spend time grieving with them. I was also humbled and overjoyed that he gave me the opportunity to clearly share with four new students the good news of forgiveness of sins through Jesus' sacrifice, making it possible for fallen humans to experience fellowship with a holy God! Why in the world do I bother to worry so much when God has proven to me time and time again that he is in control and that his plan is GOOD!